OLSON: Save The Grease

Kevin Olson

As I sit here in my KO Research & Development world headquarters, staring out the crescent-shaped moon windows that I had specially made for my office (copying the old cutouts they had on the outdoor toilet doors years ago), I wonder when and if I will be able to restart my farewell racing tour.

Or, will I have to go to my grandmother’s basement and play iRacing, where I can be fearless and brave beyond belief without any worries about getting hurt or having to fix a bent race car?

I see that some states are starting to open up to some racing without crowds, but here in Wisconsin and Illinois, it looks like it might still be a while. It can be quite depressing thinking about the final year of my racing career going to waste, when I could be out there making a small fortune racing Donnie’s midget.

Although it can get to you, waiting to see if there will ever be life on Earth or Uranus like we once knew, I finally figured out that there have been some good things to come out of all this chaos.

I believe that I can make racing even better, with a few changes, so that we can all get back to racing – and it will be better than ever.

As I said, there is always a positive side to bad situations like we have today, and a lot of it is just how you look at things. For instance, my old mechanic, guru and chick magnet, Dr. John Tyler, was recently going to have to have his leg repaired after it was badly broken about three years ago in a motorcycle accident.

He has had way too many unsuccessful operations and finally he was scheduled to fix it once and for all. If not operated on, they were even afraid he might even lose it.

I knew he was concerned the night before he went into the hospital, so I called him and told him not to be concerned, and to look at the positive side of things. I told him that even if the surgery wasn’t successful and he might lose his leg, from then on he would only have to buy one shoe instead of the huge expense of buying a pair.

Fortunately, his surgery was a success and all should be well, but I know he appreciated my thoughtfulness.

Also, with NASCAR back racing with no fans, I believe it has shown them that they can now run races and put on just as good a show as ever by cutting some of the extravagant costs associated, with fans and with car owners being reduced dramatically, by exactly what I recommended to them years ago.

Now they have made it a one-day show, without all the extensive practice and ass-kissing that the drivers were used to for three days before each race.

As I see it, practice was just another chance for me to wreck the car, like I did years ago at Centralia, Ill. I exited the park all by myself on the first green flag practice lap going into a corner that was not yet run in and still sloppy.

Another time, I sailed over the bank in Tomahawk, Wisconsin when I tangled with Bobby Waldan and ended up outside the track as I was trying to win hot laps. I was usually late to the track and missed hot laps anyway.

Stan Fox would usually pull in after the engine got warm and not hot lap at all. I still say it was because he didn’t want to pay for the fuel or the tire wear of running practice, as back then he had to pay for his fuel and tires.

At Sun Prairie, we get maybe two to three hot laps and then go qualify. There’s really no need to drag it out for three days.

Also, in an attempt to help the drivers keep their egos up before and after the races, I suggest they put cardboard cutouts of fans in all the seats and, just like on the sitcoms, have audio tracks play applause, screams, insults and some occasional obscenities for the winner if he deserves it.

With the races only being one day, the teams, owners and drivers can save millions by getting there on race morning and then just going home after the races. With no motel bills and expensive meal bills, a couple more million can be saved.

Plus, they can still give their guys a meal allowance of $20 per day for the drive home, which I personally would find to be plenty. The drivers can bring a cooler along for the trip home, filled with beer, water and soda, and use that $20 to buy a few Slim Jims, Cheetos, and a $10 gift certificate to either White Castle or In-N-Out Burger.

I think NASCAR will see the tremendous waste they’ve had over the past 30 years and, by just being practical like we all used to be when I was a kid and started racing, they can get racing back to where a guy can afford to go racing without mortgaging the double-wide trailer.

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